The pursuit of happiness

I’ve been so caught up in trying to be successful that I’ve been too burnt out to do the things that make me happy or even basic self care.

My psychiatrist said “keep doing a great job.”

I’m in school 5 days a week and working 4 days a week.

But also

I don’t eat. I get exhausted at 7 and pass out by 8pm. But end up awakening between the hours of 3-5 am.

I’m running on empty and people only see what I’m doing. I feel like no matter how loud or how many times i scream no one will hear me.

I don’t want to die. I just want to feel safe and comfortable and perhaps happy.

I am working so hard on recovering but I’ve been in a depressive episode since June because Scotland was so beautiful and peaceful and I wasn’t here. Now I’m here and everything just feels like it sucks.

I miss my boyfriend. Exactly a week until I can see him again. He makes me feel so safe and I love him very much. He isn't here either.

It's getting tougher to be strong. But I'm holding out in the hopes it gets better.