Maybe one day you'll read this

I spent most of a year regretting you. Hating you. After what happened I wanted to demonize you. I wanted to make you a villain in my story, not realizing that that started to make me a villain too.

It's been a year after I lost you in my life, and I cried about you yesterday. I don't want to be a villain. Especially not in your story. You left me better than you found me. And for that I am grateful. Without you I would be dead. No maybes about that. You kept me safe. You only hurt me because you were hurting too. I'm sorry I didn't see it sooner. I hope life without me is better. Less stressful. I hope you're genuinely happy. Because that's all I want for you. Happiness.

For everytime you gave me my pills and held me to sleep, thank you

For everytime you witnessed a breakdown, thank you

For everytime you picked me up off the bathroom floor, thank you

Thank you, thank you, thank you

I may not be ready to let you go yet but I'm getting there.

-JOS